


A Dance With the Devil

by Marzos



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Animal Shelter AU, F/F, carmilla adopts a comically huge puppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5245787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marzos/pseuds/Marzos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla went into the Animal Shelter to convince a hot girl she loved animals. She walked out with an irish wolfhound. </p>
<p>Luckily, one of the volunteers is willing to help. Even if she is kind of annoying. </p>
<p>(Or: the hollstein AU where Laura helps Carmilla with a comically large puppy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Dance With the Devil

**Author's Note:**

> My Carmilla Big Bang fic. Thanks again to tumblr user lesbiansandpuns for suggesting an Animal Shelter AU!

Carmilla always hated having to go to class early, and today was no exception. She was always half asleep, narrowly avoiding collisions with other zombie like students.

Except, of course, for the day one actually slammed into her from behind, sending Carmilla crashing face first onto the pavement.

“What the _fuck--”_

“Sorry, sorry, let me help you up!”

Carmilla shook her head, rubbing the spot she was sure sure is going to swell to the size of an egg. “Watch where you’re--”

Her eyes focused and she looked up at the girl holding out her hand.

“Going...next...time.”

The girl smiled, flashing blindingly white teeth. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Carmilla reached out and took a pale hand, “Thanks. In a hurry?”

“Yeah,” she raked a hand through her hair, blond bangs moving out of her blue eyes. “I just transferred, I don’t want to be late.”

“What class?”

“Philosophy of War?”

Carmilla pointed to herself.

_“You’re_ in that class too?”

“Yeah. If you walk with me, you won’t run into me again. How about it?”

“Sure. My name’s Ell.”

“Carmilla.”

Ell smiled at Carmilla again, adjusting the bag slung over her shoulder. Carmilla jokingly pointed ahead of her. “After you.”

“Wow, and right after I ran into you. How chivalrous.”

“...Probably the concussion talking, so don’t get used to it.”

Ell laughed softly as they both walked to class.

* * *

 

Carmilla was formulating a plan to get together with Ell as soon as she got a good look at her face. Come on, the woman was _gorgeous;_ all long legs, and blonde hair. And sweet as Hell besides. Just Carmilla’s type; someone she could ruin a little. So when Ell kept walking with Carmilla when they left the classroom, Carmilla flashed her a crooked smile.

“Can’t get enough of me, Cinnamon Roll?”

“Is it okay if I walk around with you? I’m new here, I just transferred. I don’t really know anyone else.”

“I was _kidding,_ Ell. Come on, let’s walk.”

Carmilla ignored all the students in the quad trying to shove flyers in their faces. The Zetas were offering free beer to entice new members; Carmilla grabbed one from them without giving them a second glance. The Alchemy Club was advertising something about living mushrooms. Carmilla told Ell to avoid them.

There was one girl wearing a sandwich board, which was especially pathetic, that read: _Do you love animals?_

Not enough to own them. Certainly not enough to care about them.

“Laura!”

Ell waved at the brunette wearing the sign and waving flyers. She looked at Ell and smiled.

“Ell, hey! How’s your first day of classes?” Okay, they knew each other. Carmilla made a mental note to play nice with her.  

“Great--and hey, this is Carmilla. I just met her in my philosophy class.”

It was hard to take Laura seriously wearing the sandwich board, but Carmilla managed to keep a straight face when she waved hello. “What’s up?”

“Oh, hi! Not much. Just trying to get some more volunteers. Would you be interested in volunteering at Happy Tails Animal Rescue? We do a lot of good work, but we’re pretty understaffed, and we just had a lot of new animals come in--”

Nope, no, never, there was no way Carmilla--

“--and Ell and I could really use the help.”

_Ell_ volunteered there? Carmilla looked at Ell, who was looking back at her hopefully.

_“Sure,”_ Carmilla said, trying to look excited. “I love animals. The couple that lives across from my apartment has a dog that I play with all the time. Count me in.”

It was actually a very old, obese bassett hound that kind of disgusted her. She got paid fifty bucks once to babysit it and she gave up halfway through the night, raided their fridge for beer, and went home instead. But whatever.

“Oh, that’s so great!” Ell gushed, “I can’t wait to see you there!”

Laura handed her a flyer. “Awesome! Ell and I usually get there around three, and you can stop by anytime until nine when we close up.”

Ell touched Carmilla lightly on the shoulder. “Listen, I have to go to my next class, but I’ll see you there, okay? Look for Laura or me, we’ll show you where to go.”

“Uh, great. Helping animals, taking care of the less fortunate...animals...yeah.”

“And hey, let me give you my number in case you can’t find either of us or something.” She took her her phone and quickly typed the number into Carmilla’s contacts.

Ell gave Carmilla a little wave before practically skipping off. Carmilla grinned and walked away whistling.

* * *

 

Happy Tails Animal Rescue Ranch made Carmilla want to vomit the moment she saw the building. The whole side of the place was covered in a mural of happy animals frolicking through a meadow. The second thing Carmilla noticed was that there were chickens and roosters casually roaming the front of the building. She wondered who was adopting these chickens, or more importantly, who the Hell was dropping chickens off at an animal shelter? Weren’t they for _eating?_

“Alright, get this over with, woo Ell, get out of here,” Carmilla muttered. She walked into the shelter and immediately tripped over a warm body.

“What the _Hell?”_ Carmilla scrambled to her feet, looking at the lump she tripped over. It was a bluish gray lump. The lump shifted and Carmilla realized it was a dog.

“Oh, hey, I see you met Thor! He’s the mascot. He belongs to Dr. Lawrence--she’s the veterinarian.”

Laura stood in front of her, wearing overalls with her hair in a ponytail. She looked like she should be chewing on a piece of straw.

“Is he a guard dog or something?”

Laura laughed. _“Guard_ dog? Watch this.” Laura nudged Thor with her foot, making him roll over on his belly. He gave a low moan and went back to sleep. “Vicious, right?”

His jowls were dripping with long globs of saliva. Carmilla was a little grossed out, but yeah, vicious was not the first thing that came to mind.

“...Uh, where is Ell?”

“Oh, she’s probably in the kitchen.”

Sure enough, Ell walked in munching a scone. She looked at Carmilla and smiled.

“Hey, Carmilla, I see you found the place okay!”

She was wearing jean shorts and a grey wife beater, her hair in a low bun on her

head. She reached out her hand. “Want a bite?”

Carmilla took the scone, letting her hand linger over Ell’s palm. She blushed, and Carmilla grinned before taking a bite.

“Thanks, Ell. So what do you do here?”

“Mostly, I work with the horses. Brush, clean the stables, ride them. That kind of thing.”

Carmilla and Ell riding horses, hair flowing in the wind. _That_ would be interesting. “Well, hey, count me in on that! Let’s go--”

“Whoa, wait a second.” Laura said, cutting off Carmilla’s path, “You need to be trained to deal with the horses. Plus, you need to get approved before you volunteer.”

_“Approved?_ By who?”

“Dr. Lawrence. You know, the vet. Her office is upstairs, she’ll be up there.”

Carmilla took another look at Ell in her jean shorts, running a hand through thick blonde locks.

“...Fine, let’s get ‘approved’ by your boss.”

_The things I do to get laid…_

“Cool! Come on, right up these stairs.”

“Carmilla, I’ll catch up with you later, alright?” Ell called as Laura took Carmilla’s hand and dragged her away.

“Sure, Ell! I’ll see you later!” Carmilla said, waving with her free hand.

“Dr. Lawrence takes stuff really seriously,” Laura explained, “So just make it clear that you’re going to take good care of the animals.”  

“What’s she like?”

“Oh, she’s great! Really passionate about animals, smart, responsible, and pretty much the coolest person you’d ever--”

“I wasn’t looking for an essay from one of her groupies.” Carmilla interrupted, rolling her eyes.

Laura blushed, looking away from her. “Here’s her office,” she muttered, walking down the hallway and knocking on a door.

“Come in!”

Laura opened it and Carmilla’s eyes widened.

There were tanks all over the room. Carmilla saw a bearded dragon sunning itself, a tank with little turtles swimming, even one with something that looked like a gila monster. There were dog dishes in the corner next to a huge dog bed with a canopy that, frankly, made Carmilla kind of jealous of Thor.

A parrot was chirping ‘hullo’ from its perch next to a desk where a tall redhead had her arms folded on the desktop, looking at another ginger. She had her hands on the desk and looked like she was getting in the other woman’s face.

“That’s LaFontaine, Dr. Lawrence’s assistant,” Laura whispered, “They prefer they/them pronouns, just a heads up.”

“Hey, Laura.” Carmilla assumed the one sitting was Dr. Lawrence, from the way Laura grinned and suddenly looked nervous.

“Hey, Dr. Lawrence--”

“Hey, Laura, I told you, call me Danny. I’m not that much older than you.”

_“Danny_. Were you busy?”

“No. LaFontaine,” Danny eyed them, “Was just entertaining me with a story from a bad science fiction novel.”

“It is not bad science fiction, it is _rad_ science fact!” LaFontaine exclaimed. They turned around and appealed to Laura. “Laura, could you imagine what a hamster and rabbit hybrid would look like? It would be the cutest animal known to man!”

“LaFontaine, we’re veterinarians, not mad scientists, there are so many ethical codes we’d be violating--”

“But think of how much money we’d get for the shelter! Come on,” now LaFontaine focused their attention on Carmilla. “You look new, who do you think is right?”

Danny was deciding if Carmilla can volunteer, not them, so Carmilla shrugged. “You know, why stop there? I say we splice a human with a chinchilla.” She answered dryly.

“As long as they’re okay with it, _why not?”_

“LaFontaine, we were kind of here to talk to Danny.”

“Fine,” LaFontaine grumbled, “See you guys.”

Okay, that didn’t make Carmilla feel good about this.

“So, you want to volunteer here, huh, Carmilla? Good to see someone else willing to help.” Danny stood up--and whoa, she was tall. “So, what got you interested?”

_I wanted to get laid._ “I love animals.”

_“Squawk!_ Liar! _Awk!”_

“...Sorry, Chatterly has a tendency to blurt out things.”

“You named the parrot Chatterly?”

Danny raised an eyebrow.

“...Uh, because it’s a very clever name.”

Danny crossed her arms. “You’re not really dressed for working with animals.”

Carmilla looked down at her leather pants. “Well, I don’t really like these pants.”

They were her prized possessions. At this point it was less about Ell and more about this unidentifiable need to prove herself. Danny just gave off the air of someone you wanted to prove yourself to.

“If you really don’t care, then by all means, you’re in. We’re not exactly picky, right now we’ve only got a handful of regulars. Can you start right now?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Great! Laura, I’ll trust you while I do some paperwork. Walk her through something, show her the ropes.”

“Will do, Danny!” Laura said, saluting. She looked at her hand and put it behind her back, flustered, and led Carmilla down the stairs.

Carmilla couldn’t help it. “‘Will do, Danny?’”

“Shut up,” Laura grumbled.

Carmilla smirked. “Okay, so what are we doing?”

“Cleaning the cat cages, come on.”

Carmilla and Laura walked through the house until they came to a room with a concrete floor lined with cat cages.

“Okay, just pick up the cat, and I’ll clean out their litter boxes,” Laura said, “And you can wipe down the walls of the cages and change their blankets and stuff. The new blankets are in this basket.

Carmilla rolled up her sleeves, gritted her teeth, and got to work.

It...was... _torture._

So, first of all: Carmilla usually liked cats. She didn’t have one of her own, but she enjoyed them. They were sort of kindred spirits.

These cats, though? They were death machines. Every single one she picked up tried to mangle her. She was smart to roll up her sleeves, because they would have been shredded by cat claws.

Laura was so _annoying,_ too. Maybe she was getting back at her for that crack about Danny, but every time a cat yowled and added yet another slash to Carmilla’s arms, Laura would be whistling ‘whistle while you work’ and swoop in after her to clean up.

“Are you sure the raw beginner should be handling this?”

“You’re doing fine. Actually, you’re doing better than most people. The cats are usually a lot worse than this.”

What did they normally do, go for the jugular?

_“YOOOOWL!”_

“UGH! Will you get _off,_ you unholy creature of--”

“Hey, Carmilla, I just wanted to check up.”

“DANNY! Um, I’m good. Just dealing with these, um...little angelic balls of fluff here.” The particular cat she was holding was very large, very fat, and had a perpetually mean face. Carmilla pat it on the head a few times and it hissed.

“Wow, glad you’re enjoying it.” Danny answered. “I was rounding everyone up because we just got a dog dropped off. Young one, too, just a couple of months--”

“A new puppy? Carmilla, you came in on the best day!”

“Well, we need to figure out what to do with him first,” Danny answered, “Come on, guys. I’m calling a meeting.”

* * *

 

They all stood in the vet’s office.

“The mother was a stray,” Danny explained as she listened to his heartbeat, “The family took her in. They had no idea she was pregnant until they woke and found her nursing them on the kitchen floor. Found homes for all of them except this little guy.”

Carmilla wrinkled her nose in disgust while Laura and Ell gushed to each other about how cute the dog looked. It had grey hair that kind of resembled steel wool, a long snout, and droopy whiskers. There was nothing cute about it. Nor would she have called it  _little._

There were other people gathered around she recognized from school; Theo, Natalie, Elsie, Sarah Jane, even Kirsch. Carmilla had no idea why he was there, but she was sure from the way he was looking at her it was to flirt with Danny.

Could _she_ really judge him for that, though?

“The good news is, he looks healthy” LaFontaine continued as Danny checked him over, “We’ll need to find someone to foster him, though. We don’t have room.”

Everyone looked at each other.

“I can’t. I live on campus, they don’t allow pets.” Laura said.

“Neither can I,” Ell added.

They went around the room. Natalie, Sarah Jane, and Elsie couldn’t either.

“Carmilla, where do you live?”

“I have my own apartment.” She answered without thinking.

“Does it allow pets?”

“Uh--”

“Carm, didn’t you say that your neighbors owned a dog?” Ell asked.

Carmilla took a breath. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t--”

“Carmilla can do it! She said she loves animals.” Laura interjected.

“Whoa, whoa. I mean, I don’t know if I can, uh..." Carmilla flailed for an excuse, _any_ excuse. "I mean, I killed a cactus once. A _cactus._ How can I take care of a puppy?”

“It’s not that hard, dude,” Kirsch said, “Anybody can do it.”

“Yeah, if someone as dumb as Kirsch can take care of a dog, you’ll be fine.” Elsie added, getting a punch in the shoulder.

Everyone is looking at her like she was some savior sent to come to their aid. Including Ell. “Fine. I will take the puppy. How long?”

“As long as it takes to find a home--which hopefully won’t be too long.” Danny answered, “Here, do you want to hold him?”  
Carmilla took the squirmy little ball of wiry fur in her hands. How was a dog eight weeks old so big already? At least it was cute--

_And_ it just peed on her hand.

“Sorry! They’ll do that sometimes.” Carmilla put the puppy back in the box, glowering at it as LaFontaine grabbed her a paper towel. Ell appeared next to her.

“Hey, Carmilla, thank you so much for this! You are such a big help.”

She smelled like lilac perfume, and that almost made all of this worth it.

“Hey, anything for a cutie like yourself.”

_“Oh.”_ Ell blushed. “Thank you--”

Danny crosses her arms. “Carmilla, play love connection later. There’s some stuff we need to go over before you can take him home."

* * *

 

So, apparently owning a dog was a lot of work, if the amount of time Danny spent lecturing Carmilla was any indication.

“...And you should take him out for walks at least twice a day. Purina is the best brand for him and--”

“Danny, I will be fine. It’s just a dog. I can take care of a dog.”

At that exact moment, the dog at the end of Carmilla’s leash jerked violently, sending Carmilla stumbling forward a few steps.

“Carmilla--”

“I am _fine.”_ Carmilla walked ahead of the dog, pulling him on the leash.

“Wait!”

Carmilla turned. Laura was holding out a slip of paper. “Ell works with the horses,” she said, “She won’t be a lot of help with dogs. Call me if you need anything.”

Carmilla took the number, placing it in her pocket. As soon as she walked out and made it back to her apartment, she threw it in the trashcan next to her front door.

“Okay,” Carmilla cracked her knuckles, “Let’s get something straight here. _I_ am the master, _you_ are my pet. You listen to me. Got that?”

The dog spun around in a circle three times, catching his tail. He tripped in a tangle of gangly puppy limbs.

“...I’ll take that as a yes.”

_“Aroooo!”_ Okay, that probably wasn’t good. What was that supposed to mean? Maybe the dog was hungry. Carmilla had to lug in a bag of purina Danny sent home with her; she ripped the bag open.

“Okay, let me just find a--”

Before Carmilla could even react the entire bag was spilled, and the dog was lapping kibble off the floor.

“You little fucking _devil!”_

His head perked up, tongue lolling out. Well, at least Carmilla named him. Devil. Seemed appropriate.

“NO. Wait, you monster! Come on, Devil, wait for a bowl!”

Devil didn’t listen to anything Carmilla said. Okay, maybe she _couldn’t_ do this.

But what was she supposed to do? Drag him back to the shelter? ‘Sorry, Ell, turns out I lied and I hate dogs. How about dinner sometime?’

Yeah, no.

Her eyes drifted back to the garbage can, where Laura’s number was still sitting on top.

That girl was seriously annoying.

Carmilla was seriously desperate.

She took her cellphone, grabbed the paper, and dialed the number.

“Laura Hollis speaking.”

“Laura. It’s Carmilla Karnstein, you know, from Happy Tails?”

“Carmilla! Hey. How’s your new puppy?”

“Kind of why I’m calling you. Devil is a bit of a handful.”

“You named your dog _Devil?”_

“Should give you an idea of how much I need help.”

“...I’ll be right there to help you out. Hang on. What’s your address?”

She gave Laura the address.

“OH NO YOU DON’T.” Carmilla hung up, tackling Devil and holding him down by the back legs before he could dive into the trash. “You stay here! I am the _master,_ you are _my_ pet!”

Devil squeezed out of her grip and bit Carmilla’s sleeve, barely missing the skin.

“WHAT THE HELL!” Carmilla did a few laps around the apartment, Devil refusing to let go of her sleeve. Eventually she would have settled for ripping the sleeve off, because it was clear that Devil wasn’t letting go.

“Hey, Carmilla, I--” Laura dropped the bag she was carrying.

“Laura. Hi.” Carmilla released the scruff of Devil’s neck, getting up off the floor. “Thanks for coming. Me and Devil were just, uh...wrestling.”

Devil rolled on his back, tongue lolling out. Laura beamed and kneeled down next to him.

“Aw, aren’t you _adorable,_ you little baby! You little, adorable, tiny little--”

_“Tiny?_ That is the biggest puppy I have ever seen!”

“All puppies are tiny,” Laura said firmly, “And what did you expect when you agreed to take home an irish wolfhound?”

_“Irish wolfhound?”_

Okay, on the bright side, it did sound kind of badass.

“Yes. I thought you liked dogs.”

“Well, I _like_ them, I don’t really go into...researching them.”

Laura raised an eyebrow quizzically. “Okay, that’s what I thought.” She got up, walking over to the plastic bag she had dropped. Carmilla saw that it said ‘PetSmart’ on it when Laura held it out to her.

“Here. This is everything you need to own a dog that you wouldn’t have known to get otherwise.”

“What is that supposed to--”

“Come on, Carmilla, it was pretty obvious you only did it because you had a crush on Ell.”

“...Okay, how would you even know that.”

Laura shrugged. “I have my ways. Plus, you were kind of giving her the seduction eyes. Pretty obvious.”

She smiled teasingly, looking back down at the bag. “Well?”

Carmilla clenched her jaw and grabbed the bag. “You know what? Get out.”

“But didn’t you--”

“I can take care of Devil myself. Right Devil?”

Devil looked at Carmilla and whined.

“See? He’s crying because I’m, uh, not playing with him.”

“...Alright. If you’re sure you don’t need help. Fine.” Laura walked out. Before she closed the door, she looked back. “You _sure?_ Wolfhounds can be tough to handle, especially without experience--”

“Just go, Miss Pretty-in-Peta. I’ll be fine,” Carmilla answered.

Laura shook her head and closed the door.

Carmilla looked back at Devil, who had rolled on his back again. He was wiggling back and forth like he was trying to scratch an itch or something.

Carmilla looked in the bag. Some dog toys, a bag of kibble...a book on Irish Wolfhounds.

“Well, she had the right idea…” Carmilla said, sitting down on her couch, “Knowledge is power.” Carmilla cracked open the book.

“‘Of great size and commanding appearance, the Irish Wolfhound is remarkable in combining power and swiftness with keen sight. The largest and tallest of the galloping hounds, in general type he is a rough-coated, Greyhound-like breed…’”

* * *

 

She spent all night reading that damn book. And the longer she read it, the more convinced she was that she’d have to give Devil back.

So, _apparently,_ Irish Wolfhounds were not just big. They were the biggest breed of dog ever. They were called ‘Wolfhounds’ because--surprise surprise!--they were supposed to be able to hunt wolves.

Fucking _wolves._ Carmilla didn’t want to have anything to do with an animal that only let her live because he felt like it.

As far as personality, they were ‘rarely found to be destructive in the house or boisterous.’ In which case, Carmilla was just plain unlucky. Already Devil had managed to rip up the curtains and _loved_ chewing on table legs.

Oh, and Carmilla was stuck with the damn thing for about seven years. Unless Devil lived to ten, which was the higher end. With her luck so far he probably would.

“Okay,” Carmilla slammed the book shut, “I have to leave for class. You,” she looked at Devil, “Already had two accidents on the rug, so you don’t need to be walked. I don’t trust you while I’m out of the house.”

Laura had, luckily, put a leash in the bag. Carmilla clipped the leash to Devil’s collar, lifting a table leg and slipping the leather handle around it.

“There. Now...stay,” Carmilla gave the puppy a couple of pats on the head. He whined, but Carmilla ignored him, grabbed her stuff, and ran out the door.

She had to book it just to be less than ten minutes late to class. She clipped someone in the shoulder and grunted, “Sorry!” As she ran past.

“Carmilla, _seriously?”_

She stopped because she recognized the voice. “...Oh, not you.”

Laura caught up with her. “That’s a nice thing to say to someone who did you a favor. Did that stuff help?”

“Uh, sure. Gave me somewhere to put the dog.”

Laura frowned. “What?”

“I used the leash and tied him to my kitchen table--”

Laura gasped and almost dropped her books. “Are you _kidding?_ You can’t do that!”

“Why not?” Carmilla asked, not stopping her power walk to class.

“He could choke himself! Wrap himself around the table or something!”

“He’s not that stupid, Laura. Besides, he could probably chew his way through a chain leash anyway.”

“Carmilla, you should really go back and check on him.”

“And do what? Look, I’m late for class,” Carmilla picked up the pace, and Laura watched Carmilla walk away, obviously annoyed.

She slipped into her ‘Philosophy of War’ class quietly. Ell was in the seat in front of her. Carmilla tapped her on the shoulder.

“Morning, Cinnabon.”

“Carmilla! I was worried when I didn’t see you.”

“Aw,” Carmilla leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. “Miss me, Cinnamon?”

“We’re friends, is that so odd? Plus, I was afraid you had a problem with your new dog.”

“Oh, _him?_ Naw. He was great. A little angel.”

“What’d you name him?”

“...Devil. For the, uh, irony.”

They both chatted for a few minutes until the professor gave them the death glare. Afterward Ell and Carmilla ate lunch in the quad. It was fun; it felt like a date. Carmilla was pretty confident they would upgrade to ‘official date’ pretty soon.

“You should probably get back to your apartment,” Ell said, “Devil probably misses you. I’ll see you later at the shelter, okay?”

“Sure, Cinnabon, see you.”

She walked home with a spring in her step, spinning her keys in her fingers before she unlocked the door--

“WHAT THE FRILLY HELL?”

Devil looked up from his position in the middle of the torn up carpet, chewing a table leg like it was a bone.

“You...you...I adopted you, took you in, and you _destroyed my apartment._ I shouldn’t have named you Devil--I should have named you Satan!”

Devil promptly got up and peed on Carmilla’s leg. As he was doing it she took her phone from her pocket and went into her previous calls.

“Laura Hollis--”

“TAKE HIM BACK.”

“Wait, is this Carmilla--”

“YES! It is Carmilla. And I don’t care how horrible this is or how bad I’ll look, I want this animal out of my house.”

“Okay, Carmilla, I’ll be over there in five minutes.”

“You better be coming to take him.”

“Don’t worry, okay? I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

Carmilla waited outside her apartment door for Laura to show up.

“Carm, what’s the problem?” Laura asked, rounding the corner with her hands in her pockets.

“The problem? I will show you the problem.” Carmilla clutched the doorknob, throwing the door open rather dramatically.

“Carmilla, like I said, I’m sure it’s-- _holy hufflepuff.”_ Laura put a hand over her mouth, speaking through her fingers. “Did he seriously do all of that in a couple of hours?”

“Yes! Laura, I give up. Take him back. I don’t care what you do with him, just get him the Hell away from me.”

Devil fell in a wiggly heap at Laura’s feet.

“Carmilla, we don’t have room for him once he gets _really_ big. What do you want us to do? Release him into the wild?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. He might do pretty well in the wild, actually--”

_“Carmilla!”_ Laura gasped. 

“He was bred to hunt down _wolves,_ Laura, that’s all I’m saying.”

Laura was about to say something, then stopped. “...Hey. You read the book, didn’t you?”

“Of course I read the book, I had no idea what I was dealing with.”

Laura grabbed the leash still attached to Devil’s collar. “Carmilla, you’re not giving Devil back.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Take him for a walk. We’ll go to Happy Tails. And if you still want to get rid of him when we’re done, you’ll already be at the shelter.”

“But--”

“If you read the book, you’d know that wolfhounds need a lot of exercise. He’s not badly behaved, he just has too much pent-up energy,” Laura bent down and scratched him behind the ears, “And he’s stuck in this tiny apartment, poor thing.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Yeah, poor dog. Not poor ‘broke-ass college student whose furniture and carpeting has just been destroyed’.”

Laura ignored her, grabbing the leash and walking out, Devil trotting obediently at her side.

How the Hell did Laura do that?

“You coming, Carmilla?” Laura asked.

Carmilla slouched, put her hands in her pockets, and begrudgingly followed.

* * *

 

“Okay, Laura, I got to ask,” Carmilla said, “How are you getting him to do that?”

“Do what?” Laura asked.

_“That._ Not pull. Actually _listen_ to you.”

“Oh. _That.”_ Laura hummed to herself as she kept walking. “It’s an attitude thing. Body language and everything. Devil knows I’m the boss because I’m not nervous around him. Dogs need a leader, you know?”

“Great. The human version of a cupcake can handle a dog better than me.”

“You just need some training.” Laura handed Carmilla the leash, “I’m going inside to grab some stuff, you bond with him.”

Carmilla glared at Devil as soon as Laura walked inside. “I bet you’re really pleased with yourself.”

Devil tilted his head curiously.

“Don’t look at me like that. You think this is funny. Making me work with the most annoying girl alive, acting like pet of the year when she’s around. But I know the _truth.”_

Devil’s tongue lolled out and he laid down, chewing on the grass. Carmilla jerked on the leash.

“Come on, you’ll make yourself sick. I have enough problems coming out of the bottom end of you.”  

If dogs had the dexterity, Carmilla was sure Devil would be giving her the finger. Whatever. She was going to show this Wolfhound who was boss.

“Okay!” Laura walked out again, holding a tiny square thing and a bag of milk bones. “We’re going to train him.”

“Train him?”

“Yeah. I got everything we need.”

She was missing the whip and the chair, but Carmilla would try anything at this point.

“This,” Laura continued, holding up the plastic, “Is called a ‘clicker’. When Devil does something I like, I’m going to click it and hand him a treat.”

“Why do you need to make a noise?”

“So he knows exactly what he did to get the treat.”

Laura demonstrated. Devil stood back up, then sat down. As soon as he did, Laura pressed on the clicker.

_Click._ “Sit!” Laura handed him a treat. Devil chewed it greedily, barking at Laura.

“If you want more, you got to sit.”

There is no way that will…

Devil stood up, then sat down again. Laura clicked and gave him another.

“Sit! Good boy.”

Carmilla stared at her, mouth agape. “Okay. Do you own any dogs?”

“Nope. Never did.”

“You never owned dogs? I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe it. My dad was really paranoid about animals. He said they would ‘betray you’ or weird stuff like that.”

Laura handed the clicker to Carmilla. “Try it.”

“Okay. Sit, Devil.” _Click._ “Good, sit.”

“Great job!” Laura said, clapping her hands. Carmilla rolled.  _  
_

“Yeah. But why the way with animals, then?”

“When I went to college, my friend LaFontaine asked me to volunteer. I kind of overcompensated by learning everything I could. If my dad knew I worked here he’d flip.”

“Wow, talk about paranoid,” Carmilla said absent-mindedly, clicking again when Devil sat down.

“Well, my mom was killed by a bear,” Laura said casually, “So.”

Carmilla’s head shot up and she stared at Laura. “Wait, _what?”_

“She was a zookeeper, the bear turned on her,” Laura said, “Dad still sends me bear spray once a month just in case.”

Carmilla just sort of assumed that Laura had the perfect, stereotypical nuclear family with the white-picket fenced house. Not the family where the mom was killed by a bear and her father had an irrational fear of all mammals because of it.

“...Wow, Cupcake, sorry.”

“It was a really long time ago. It’s fine, really.”

“Okay. I, uh, think that Devil knows how to sit now. What next?”

“We let him go.”

“Let him _go?”_

Yeah! Take him to the back, he’ll run around until he’s exhausted and then _boom!_ He’ll be too tired to chew up anything.”

Carmilla didn’t like the idea, at all, but at this point she did trust Laura. Somewhat. They walked around to the back of the shelter, where there were woods and an open field.

“Okay, Carm. Three...two...one!”

Carmilla unhooked the leash. Devil blinked, disbelieving, before he went bounding in large circles around the two girls.

“Christ, he’s like a deer,” Carmilla said, watching him making big strides. Laura started laughing.

“Aw, he’s so happy!”

“How do we get him to come back?”

“You’re holding the treats, just call him.”

“Okay--” Carmilla stomped, _“DEVIL!”_

From across the field, the Wolfhound froze and ran at Carmilla full speed.

“Wait, wait, wait, I didn’t mean--ARRRGH!”

With a _THUMP_ Carmilla fell on her back, Devil slobbering all over her face, and

Laura laughing hysterically off to the side.

“See? He likes you.”  

“Oh, joy.” Carmilla sat up, scratching Devil behind the ears.

Okay, she would admit it. The dog was cute.

“We can find Danny and tell her you want to give Devil back, now,” Laura said, holding out her hand. Carmilla took it and let Laura help her up.

“Hold on, not yet.”

“What, you like him now?” Laura said with a smirk.

_“No._ But Carmilla Karnstein does not get beaten by a puppy.”

Laura smiled knowingly. “Sure, Karnstein. See you tomorrow.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m not always going to be around when you’re handling him, you know.” Laura turned to look back at her. “Why? Will you miss me?”

Carmilla wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, right.”

“Great.” Laura rounded the corner, and she was gone. Devil nudged Carmilla’s hand and she looked down.

“...Come on, Dev, let’s go home.”

* * *

 

She stopped at the pet store to pick up two bowls and a metal crate, and set it up in her bedroom when she got home.

“Okay, Devil, you sleep in here.” Carmilla threw a treat into the crate, closing the door on him when he ran inside. “I’ll be in bed, right where you can see me. Don’t give me that look.”

She tried to go to bed--’tried’ being the operative word. She couldn’t sleep for five minutes without Devil starting to whine.

“Come on, Devil, you have to be tired from all the running you did today.”

He pawed at the bars.

“...You’re not going to let me sleep until I let you out, huh?”

“Hrrrm, hrrmm…”

_“Alright.”_

She unlocked the cage. Immediately, Devil jumped on the bed.

“Really?” Carmilla pushed him to the side. They slept sort of facing back to back. “At least you’re warm.”

He was surprisingly calm now. For the first time Carmilla wasn’t afraid he’d eat the bed in her sleep or something.

* * *

 

She woke up with Devil’s breath in her face.

“I swear to God, that is the single worst thing I have smelled in my life,” Carmilla grumbled, pushing him off. “And did you grow _overnight?”_

She went into the bathroom, looked at the clock. Ten-thirty. On a Saturday. Devil better not make waking her up a habit.

Still, she was a responsible dog owner now. She had to walk the damn thing or he’d shit all over the carpet.

“Walk, Devil!” Carmilla shouted, grabbing the leash from where she put in on top of the dresser. Devil fell in a pile at her feet and she bent to clip it on.

Her first thought was the shelter. Maybe Ell would be there. She felt like she’d built up enough credit that she could stop beating around the bush and ask her out already.

“Hey, Devil, guess where we’re going today. That’s right; where we’ve been the last two days. Come on.”

He pulled Carmilla the entire way there; she yanked the leash back every time he did. By the time they got to Happy Tails, Devil was wheezing and Carmilla’s arm felt like it was going to pop out of its socket.

“...So, that could have gone worse.”

Danny walked out the front door with Thor at her heels, saw Carmilla, and waved. “Hey, Carmilla! How has Devil been?”

“Um, great. How do you know--”

“Laura told me.”

Great. Carmilla was the talk of the animal shelter. “Well, he likes it here.”

“Seems like he likes Thor, too.”

Devil strained at the leash, whining, trying to get at the great dane. “Sorry--”

“Oh, don’t be! Thor wouldn’t hurt a fly, you can let Devil play with him if you want.”

Carmilla, though slightly apprehensive, unclipped the leash. Thor had laid down at this point and Devil jumped on him, tugging at his ears and tail.

“How is Thor not eating him by now?”

Danny laughed. “Great danes are super docile breeds. Plus, I think he’s just really lazy in particular.”

Thor rolled on his back, swatting at Devil languidly before giving up and snoring.

“Did he just fall asleep?” Carmilla asked. 

“Like I said, _really_ lazy.”

“Devil, come on, let’s--” Devil barked and bolted around the back.

“SHIT! Come back here!”

“Need help?” Danny asked.

“No, no, I have total control of--WILL YOU STOP!”

Carmilla ran around the back, stopping to rest her hands on her knees and take a few deep breathes.

“Carmilla?”

She looked up. Ell. Holding Devil in her arms. He was already so big his feet touched the ground as she held him under the armpits. 

“Does he belong to you…?” She asked with a smile.

“Yes. That’s him. I was just exercising him--very important for Irish Wolfhounds. Which is the breed of dog he is.”

“I can see that,” Ell said, letting Carmilla put the leash back on, “He’s cute, though.”

Now seemed as good a time as any. Carmilla took a breath. “Ell?”

“Yeah?”

“How about a date?”

Ell’s smile wavered. “A...date?”

“Yeah. What do you say?”

“Carmilla, um...oh my gosh, this is awkward, but...I kind of have a girlfriend.”

Her eye twitched. “I’m sorry. I don’t follow.”

“You know Elsie Jolie-Pitt, right? I’m dating her--”

“Oh, you have _got_ to be fucking kidding me.”

“Carmilla, I didn’t mean to lead you on--”

“You would rather date a woman who uses the word _swag_  unironically. I--Jesus Christ, do you know what you put me through? I’m stuck with an Irish Wolfhound for _eight years!”_

Ell took a step back. “I thought you like dogs?”

“That was such a lie, I probably should have given up on you for being stupid enough to believe it,” Carmilla growled.

“Well--well--how is that my fault? I thought you were being nice!”

“I--fuck-- _ugh!_ I am out of here. Come on, Devil.”

Carmilla turned sharply to walk inside. But, not before Devil looked back at Ell, grabbing the bottom of her bootcut jeans.

_“Hey!”_

Carmilla yanked the leash without looking, and they headed inside the main building. There was a little lounge area next to the kitchen, and Carmilla flopped on the couch. Her grip slackened on the leash, but Devil sat next to her, not trying to run.

“Well, that’s a few days of my life I’m not getting back. Not to mention feeling like an idiot. And _you,”_ she looked at Devil, “I got you stuck with a shitty owner to impress a girl. That’s not fair to you, is it?”

Devil dropped something on her stomach. Carmilla picked it up. A piece of Ell’s jeans.

Carmilla grinned. “You know what? I’ve decided. You’ve got potential, Dev. Maybe you are on my team.”

She laid back down, looking at the ceiling, scratching her dog behind the ears. “It is not going to be fun having to see her in class everyday, though. If we run into her again, can you go for her purse?”

“Woof!”

“Good boy.”

There was a knock on the door. Laura poked her head in. “Carmilla?”

“Yeah?”

“Um…” Laura walked in, rubbing her arm, “I showed up, and the first thing that happened was Ell telling me about how you went crazy and had Devil attack her.”

Carmilla laid a forearm across her face, covering her eyes. _“Please._ He only got her jeans. And I didn’t tell him to do it. If only I had that much control over him, though…”

“Yeah, I told Ell she might be overreacting.” Laura sat at the edge of the couch. She reached into her pocket.

“Listen, I swear I didn’t know Ell and Elsie were a thing. If I had I would have told you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m more embarrassed than anything.”

“Still--I mean, I don’t like you that much, and you don’t like me that much--but I can still feel bad. So, here.” Laura stopped rummaging in her pocket, tossing a packet to Carmilla.

“A pack of oreos?”

“If you knew me better, you’d know how special oreos are to me.”

“Wow. I feel _honored.”_

Laura smiled at Devil. Carmilla nibbled on the cookies while Laura went on the floor to play with him.

“You know what you should do?”

“What?”

“You should see if he can get his canine citizenship.”

“‘Canine citizenship?’”

“Yeah. You have a professional trainer watch your dog do ten things, and then you get a certificate.”

“Which is good for…?”

“A sense of accomplishment?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“...The chance to rub it in Ell’s face, I guess? Elsie doesn’t own a canine citizen.”

Now Laura was talking.

* * *

 

After looking it up, a canine good citizen:

  1. Greets a friendly stranger.

  2. Sits politely for petting.

  3. Welcomes being groomed, brushed; allows paws and ears to be handled.

  4. Walks as directed on a loose leash.

  5. Moves politely through a crowd.

  6. Sits, lies down and stays in place on command.

  7. Comes when called.

  8. Behaves politely around other dogs.

  9. Reacts with confidence to distractions.

  10. Can be left with a trusted person.




...Which didn’t sound that hard, but with this dog Carmilla couldn’t really judge.

But she owed it to him. He ripped off a piece of Ell’s jeans for her. As weird as it was, Carmilla felt like she couldn’t just get rid of him now. So why not try and make living with him more bearable?

Considering the test required a ‘trusted person’...well, there was only one other person that Devil listened to at all. Or really, one other person Devil listened to consistently.

“So, these aren’t that hard,” Laura said, laying on Carmilla’s couch, “Devil greeted me just fine when I met him, so number one is no problem.”

“Yeah,” Carmilla said, “But watch what happens when I try to pet him.”

Carmilla, sitting at the kitchen table, reached a hand out to pet Devil. She managed to get in a few pats on the head before he started mouthing it. Laura wrinkled her nose.

“Okay, ew.”

“Yeah.” Devil went back to inhaling a bag of Beneful. She didn’t even use the bowl anymore; Devil stuck his head straight in the open bag leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Carm, you sure that’s a good idea?”

She shrugged. “Who cares how he’s eating the food?”

“Your problem,” Laura said, “is that you treat Devil like he’s a chore. You need to figure out how to have fun with him.”

“Fun? How do I have ‘fun’ with _that?”_

Devil looked at her, mouth full of food like a chipmunk.

“Millions of people have fun with dogs _every day,_ Carmilla,” Laura answered, “Believe it or not, it’s possible.”

“Whatever,” Carmilla said.

“...I should probably leave,” Laura said, “I promised my dad I’d have dinner with him. And I need to go home and shower first, or he’ll see the dog hair on me.”

“Seriously?”

“I know, right? But if he thinks I’ve been hanging around dogs, I’ll get lectured. But he’ll _also_ freak out when I’m late because I need to shower--”

“Cupcake, just use mine,” Carmilla said.

“Yours?” Laura asked, “Are you sure?”

Carmilla shrugged. “Hey, my Mom is a nightmare. I can relate to not wanting to get an earful.”

“Oh,” Laura said, “But my clothes--”

“You’re like, an inch taller than me. I’ll lend you a hoodie and some jeans.”

Carmilla smirked. “Unless, of course, you wanted the leather pants instead.”

“Um, no.” Laura got up, “That’s fine. I’m just going to shower now.”

Carmilla couldn’t understand why she was trying to make it so awkward. Nevertheless, she gestured toward the bathroom and watched Laura go.

“Fun. Hmm…” Carmilla got up, walking over to her storage closet and opening it. There was something in the corner. Carmilla picked it up.

It was a gift from her sister. She loved Mattie, she really did, but they had kind of lost touch and it showed. Why would Mattie ever think that she was still into--

Wait. She picked the gift up, and looked at Devil. A cheshire cat grin spread across her face. _“Hello,_ fun.”

* * *

 

She didn’t tell Laura, of course. She would have probably tried to talk her out of it with some crap about how it was ‘dangerous’ or ‘could get you killed’. Carmilla was not in the mood for the Cupcake’s unreasonableness. So, she left a hoodie and some pants outside the bathroom with a note, grabbed Devil’s leash, and ran out the door.

“Okay, let’s see if we can get this to work,” she put it on the ground.

Yep, the gift was a skateboard.

Devil started gnawing at it, and Carmilla nudged him with her foot.

“Come on, Dev, we are going to have some fun.”

She wrapped the leash a few times around her hand. “Alright, Devil, run.”

Images of zipping across campus to get to class flashed through her mind. Ell watching her, seething with jealousy, also crossed her mind, Carmilla wasn’t going to lie.

Except, Devil had other ideas.

“Are you taking a nap? What is wrong with you--run! Mush! Come on.”

Okay, so this wouldn’t be as easy as Carmilla thought. She realized that there was a milkbone in her pocket--it probably found its way in there while she was training him or something. She took it out. “Let’s try this again. _Fetch!”_ Carmilla threw the bone.

Carmilla would look back on the events that took place afterward often, desperately trying to find something she did that was more idiotic. She never did, and never did thirty seconds seem to be so long. All she could really remember was what happened afterward--her facedown on the ground, leash still in her hand, unable to tell if she could move or not, to be honest.

Oh, and they only managed to move about twenty feet.

_“Fuck…”_

“Oh my God, Carm! Are you alright?”

“Fine...ugh...Cupcake? Oh, that’s perfect.” Carmilla mumbled on the ground. Laura didn’t waste any time hefting Carmilla back up under the armpits.

“What happened--” She noticed the skateboard. “What is wrong with you?”

“You told me to try and have fun with him!”

“He’s a _dog,_ not a Cadillac! You can’t turn him on and expect him to go wherever you want! You’re lucky you’re not dead.”

“Shut up--and I can _walk.”_ She took a step and winced.

“Your knee is gushing blood and you have a knot on your head roughly the size of a silver dollar, Carmilla,” Laura said, “Lean on me, come on, I’m going to take you home and help patch you up.”

“What about your dad?” Carmilla asked, leaning on her as they walked back into the apartment complex.

“Oh--yeah, hold on.” Laura got on her phone while they were in the elevator. “Hey, Dad? I’m going to be late. Um...my friend crashed on her bike. Carmilla. No, you haven’t heard of her. I met her, like, two days ago.” Laura’s eyes widened. _“No._ We are not--seriously, Dad, not in a million years! I _swear.”_

“Laying it on a little too thick for my liking, Laura.” Carmilla mumbled.

“Look, I’m sorry. But I can’t just leave her to bleed to death, and she’s _insisting_ she doesn’t need a hospital. She’s stubborn as an ox. And possibly just as stupid…”

“Okay, now you’re just being a jerk.”

“Dad, seriously, goodbye. I’ll come for dinner tomorrow--I promise--know I promised to go tonight, but it’s not everyday your friend gets into a bike crash--and _yes,_ I’m sure she’s not a serial killer! _Goodbye.”_

Laura hung up just as the elevator stopped. Laura helped Carmilla into the apartment, laying her on the couch.

“Okay, do you mind me going into your medicine cabinet for some bandages and stuff?”

“Go ahead.”

Laura walked out, coming back with peroxide and bandages. Devil whined and nudged Carmilla’s hand with his nose.

“Stop crying, it’s not your fault,” Carmilla said, “Seriously, if you want to make it up to me you can stop annoying me with your whining.”

“Here, I’m going to put some peroxide on it,” Laura said, “Bite your lip or something, because this’ll sting.”

Carmilla’s head hit the back of the couch as Laura dabbed peroxide on the wound. _“Shiiiit.”_

“Oh, shut up you baby.” Laura slapped a large bandage on it. “Feeling better?”

Carmilla looked at Laura, kneeling down by her legs. “...Yeah. Thanks, Hollis.”

“You’re welcome,” Laura said, smiling, “I was internally freaking out when I saw you laying on the ground like that. I thought you were really hurt.”

“Aw, would you miss me?” Carmilla asked teasingly. Laura looked away.

_“No._ I was worried about what’d happen to Devil.”

“Either way...get to your dinner.”

“Are you sure? Because you’re not really in shape to move--”

_“Go._ Your dad is afraid you’re getting murdered by a serial killer right now, remember? I’ll be fine.”

Laura bit her lip, but got up. “Thanks for the clothes. Although Dad is going to wonder why I own a hoodie with a skull on it…”

Carmilla shrugged. “Keep it. You could use something besides the owl sweater. Maybe people will stop thinking you’re twelve.”

Laura frowned, turned, and left.

“God, I really do not understand her.”

Were they...friends now?

Oh, God, they were friends. She was friends with that annoying bundle of tiny rage. When the fuck did that happen?

Carmilla looked down at her bandaged knee, remembered Laura’s father berating her over the phone. She couldn’t even hear the other end of the line and he gave her a headache. All the help she was giving with Devil.

She hated to admit it, but Laura wasn’t a bad friend. Apparently.

* * *

 

So pulling her on a skateboard didn’t work, but Carmilla wasn’t giving up on training Devil to do something useful.

Of course, that involved actually _training_ him, and the whole click-and-treat thing was not as easy as Laura had made it seem. She still came to her apartment all the time to help, but it was less helping and more ‘shaking her head sadly at Carmilla’s feeble, feeble attempts before showing her again.’

“Maybe watching something will help?” Laura suggested one night while Carmilla had been trying--unsuccessfully--to get Devil to lie down.

“Like what?”

“Um...the Dog Whisperer? Caesar Milan, you know?”

So, Carmilla tried it. She popped in a DVD Laura grabbed her from the shelter. It was the stupidest thing Carmilla ever watched. How the fuck was what he did going to work?

According to _him,_ from what Carmilla could tell anyway, any problem with a dog could be solved by putting a hand out and going ‘sh-sh-sh’.

“Just try it!” Laura had insisted when they talked on the phone that night--they talked on the phone every night now. Carmilla made it a personal rule to only make it about Devil-- _business_ \--but a ‘how are you’ led to a ten minute lecture about how this Doctor Who episode was the _‘best episode of the series ever!’_ which kind of ruined that plan. “He is known as ‘The Dog Whisperer, you know.”

Yeah. Laura came over to Carmilla’s apartment every night now and when she didn’t, they talked on the phone. No big deal. Carmilla still didn’t like her that much.

“He is only known as ‘The Dog Whisperer’ because he decided to call his TV ‘The Dog Whisperer’, Laura,” Carmilla said, rolling her eyes. But fine. She would try it if it meant Laura would stop bothering her about it. She grabbed Devil’s leash and got ready to practice heeling again.

She’d stopped going outside every time she practiced walking; the hallway worked just as well. As always, Devil started to pull. Moment of truth time. Carmilla put a hand in front of his head.

_“Sh-sh-sh.”_

Devil looked at Carmilla, walking by her hip like he was supposed to. Every time he tried to pull again Carmilla did it again. After about ten minutes she didn’t need to at all.

It...worked?

It _worked._

It WORKED!

“Laura, he’s not pulling!” Carmilla said, calling her up on her cellphone. “He’s _listening._ I can’t believe it was that easy! You are a genius! Well, that Caesar guy is a genius. But you’re a genius for recognizing it--”

_“BE QUIET!”_ Someone shouted, banging on the apartment door. Carmilla covered the phone.

“Excuse me for having a breakthrough!” Carmilla shouted back. “...Listen, seriously, thanks Cupcake.”

“Anytime, Carmilla. Really.”

“If it wasn’t for you Devil would probably be sleeping in a cave right now, trying to catch a wolf for dinner.”

“... _Pretty_ sure they didn’t eat the wolves,” Laura said, amusement in her voice, “But I appreciate the thought. ‘Night, Carm.”

“Goodnight, Cupcake.”

* * *

 

Slowly, but surely, Devil started to shape up.

He also started to _grow,_ pretty quickly. Carmilla was glad she and Laura had managed to--somewhat--get Devil under control before he had his growth spurt. Before he had been a handful, but now? There was no stopping him.

Which led to the other problem of him greeting strangers; Devil had started to jump. Before it was kind of cute. Now people saw their lives flashing before their eyes when he did it. It was definitely not the mark of a canine good citizen.

Laura walked into the apartment, holding a stack of books, reading out different strategies for training it out of him.

Of course, Carmilla had a different idea. She was the owner, and Laura was right; she wasn’t always going to be there. Carmilla needed to figure this problem out.

“Laura, I have an idea.”

“What?” Laura asked, looking up from the book she was reading at Carmilla’s kitchen table.

“Let me show you,” Carmilla walked out of the apartment. Immediately Devil started to whine. Literally ten seconds later Carmilla opened the door.

“Come here, Dev, Carmilla is home!”

As always, Devil ran at her and jumped.

Except this time, Carmilla raised her knee and hit Devil just under the ribs.

The reaction was even better than Carmilla expected. His eyes bugged out and he fell in a heap on the floor, moaning. Laura looked on as if Carmilla had just kicked--actually, she kind of did just kick a puppy. Well, _kneed_ a puppy.

“What--are you insane? You hurt him!”

“It was effective, wasn’t it? Besides, Devil is fine.”

Devil got back up, eyeing Carmilla warily.

“How do you know it worked?”

“Let’s see.”

Carmilla left again, Devil whined, Carmilla opened the door.

He ran up again, except when it looked like he’d jump, Carmilla gave him the evil eye and pointed at her knee.

_“Hey.”_

Devil stopped, then politely nudged her with his nose. Carmilla grinned at Laura.

“You were saying?”

“I still don’t like it,” Laura grumbled.

“Please. It didn’t even hurt that much. He’s already downing another bag of kibble, see? Like it never happened.”

Sure enough, his head disappeared back into that bag.

“...I still don’t think that can be healthy.”

“That’s not even the weirdest eating habit he’s got,” Carmilla said, “You want to see something I taught him?”

“Sure, what?”

Carmilla walked over to her sink and turned on the water. “Devil! Thirsty?”

Devil’s head perked up, and he ran over to the sink, jumping onto the counter and lapping up the water.

Laura wrinkled her nose. “You let him do that?”

“Devil is weird,” Carmilla said, shrugging, “He likes running water better and he doesn’t lick the actual tap, so it’s not a big deal--”

Carmilla stopped. She looked at Laura, with a smirk spreading across her face. “What, Cupcake?”

“That is _adorable,_ Carm.”

“I do what I have to if it means stopping his whining.”

“No,” Laura got up, “You do it because Devil likes it, because you like Devil.” She walked in front of her, crossing her arms. “Face it, Carm. _You_ are a dog person.”

“The very word makes me want to throw up.”

“Why is it such a bad thing? It’s cute. You act all badass and then you make sure your dog has running water to drink.”

She tilted her head slightly, her smile softening somewhat, as if she just had some grand realization. “You’re nicer than you think, y’know.”

Carmilla leaned against the counter, rolling her eyes. “Wow, how _perceptive_ of you. No wonder you want to be a journalist--”

Devil jumped off the counter, knocking into Carmilla in the process, and she pitched forward--only to be caught by Laura.

Laura and Carmilla stared at each other for a moment, their faces only inches apart. Carmilla spoke first.

“...I feel like we’re in a bad fanfiction right now.”

Laura burst into giggles, pushing Carmilla off of her. “Uh, yeah. And Devil must be the one writing it.” Laura looked at Devil. “‘Accidentally’ bumped into Carmilla, huh, Dev?”

Devil got between Carmilla and Laura, licking Carmilla’s hand.

“Are you _jealous?”_ Carmilla asked teasingly, scratching him behind the ears, “What is it, buddy? Are you trying to get us together or not--”

They’d been skirting around that for the past few minutes, but to acknowledge  it directly for some reason felt...weird. Carmilla bit her lip.

“Um...hey, are you going to take Devil for his test soon?”

“Very soon, definitely. I think he’s ready for it.”

“Good.”

She and Laura looked at each other silently for a moment. This time Laura broke the silence--

“See you!” Laura squeaked, bumping into the kitchen table.

\--to run out of the apartment like a scared little girl.

Carmilla frowned, looking down at Devil. She sighed, leaning against the counter and sliding to the floor.

_“Her?_ Really? Of all people?”

Devil licked Carmilla’s face, and she pushed him away gruffly.

* * *

 

Here were all the reasons Carmilla thought of for why she should not have a crush on Laura:

  1. She was annoying.

  2. She was a dork.

  3. Her obsession with Doctor Who was, frankly, a little strange

  4. Their music tastes were completely different

  5. Did she mention she was a dork?




...And so on and so forth. Most of the list was pretty similar.

Here were all the reasons she could think of for why she did have a crush on

Laura:

  1. Cute

  2. Stockholm syndrome from her being at the apartment so much???

  3. ?????




That was as far as she got. And although Carmilla read that list in the bathroom while she waited for the shower to warm up, in bed before she went to sleep, in the morning over cereal, on the way to class with Devil trotting obediently at her side...no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t logic her way out of it.

There was no getting around it, then. She sat down at a table outside the cafeteria, looking at Devil.

“Hi, my name is Carmilla Karnstein, and I have a crush on Laura Hollis,” Carmilla said to her dog. Devil tilted his head curiously. _“Ugh._ Just saying makes me want to take a shower.”

Possibly a cold shower, but Carmilla wasn’t ready to go that far.

This would never work out. Oh, she had no doubt Laura liked her. It was pretty obvious, from the way she stammered and blushed practically half the time they were talking. Carmilla was a little better at hiding her feelings than that.

Because this was a monumentally bad idea. It wasn’t that Carmilla had a problem with getting together with someone just for the sex--she hadn’t looked at Ell and thought ‘future wife’ either.

No, the problem was that Laura had been helpful. If it wasn’t for her Devil might still live up to his namesake right now. As much as Carmilla hated to admit it, Laura was her _friend._ Probably the best one she had. Carmilla didn’t want to lose that.

‘Hide your feelings’ was the Karnstein family motto, and one Carmilla followed to the letter. She got up. “Come on, Devil, we got to go to class.”

Devil walked with her. Out of the corner of her eye Carmilla saw a familiar blond Barbie doll purposefully walking with her head down.

Ell had switched out of Carmilla’s class fairly soon after that incident at Happy Tails, which Carmilla was sure wasn’t a coincidence. They hadn’t spoken since and Carmilla felt like now was a good time to.

“Hey, Ell,” Carmilla said. Ell bit her lip and looked up.

“...Hello, Carmilla,” she eyed Devil warily.

“What are you looking at…? _Oh,_ this little beauty right here. You remember Devil, right?”

Ell sighed. “Well, my favorite pair of jeans did.”

“How’d the Queen of Swaghilia feel about it?”

Ell closed her eyes, shaking her head.

“What? It was three months ago, still mad because I embarrassed--”

“She _dumped_ me, okay?” Ell snapped. Carmilla’s eyes widened.

“Really? When…?”

“A couple of weeks ago. Apparently I didn’t have enough ‘swag’ for her.” Ell shoved her hands in her pockets. “Honestly I kind of wish I had said yes when you asked me out. Would have saved me three months of my life.”

Well, hello, distraction from Laura. A grin spread across Carmilla’s face. “What if I told you that opportunity knocks twice…?”

* * *

 

The plan was simple. Laura said she would get Carmilla a test that day. Go out, get Devil his canine citizenship, head out with Ell afterward.

Or, at least, the plan seemed simple until Carmilla got the phonecall. “Hello?”

“Carm, hey! I talked to Danny for you. She’s an AKC evaluator, she said she’d be happy to do the test today.”

“Great. I’ll head over with Dev right now.”

“Awesome! Hey, since I know Devil is going to do fine, how about we go somewhere to celebrate?” There was a quick pause before she finished, “You know...out?”

Out. Carmilla couldn’t see Laura, read her facial expression or her body language, but she had a feeling from her tone that this wasn’t a _friendly_ out.

“Cupcake, that sounds like it’d be great, but I already...made plans. With someone else.”

“Who?”

“...Ell?”

There was a pause at the other end of the line. “Ell? I know she and Elsie broke up, but I didn’t think...you know, after she embarrassed you.”

“What can I say? I figured, why not. I have nothing better to do tonight.”

There was a silence, heavier this time, and Carmilla realized what she said. “Wait, Laura, that came out--”

“It’s fine. I thought we would go to Chik-Fil-A or something. It’s nothing personal if you’d rather go on a date. With Ell. Fine.”

“Look, maybe tomorrow--”

Carmilla realized she hung up. She sighed and looked at Devil.

“I’m not a terrible person, am I?”

She watched him and frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

God, even her dog was judging her. Or she was convincing herself that her dog was judging her because she felt guilty. Either way, she felt like she was going insane. She walked with him to the shelter in silence. Before they walked in, Carmilla kneeled so she and Devil were at eye level.

“Look, Devil, this might be the most important day of your life. So forget about everything else and _focus.”_ She took his face in her hands. “Eyes on the prize, Dev. _Eyes on the prize.”_

Carmilla stood up, squared her shoulders, and walked in. Danny was sitting on an armchair in the back with LaFontaine and someone else Carmilla only vaguely recognized.

“Carmilla! Hello.” Danny got up, waving. “You remember my assistant LaFontaine. They’ll be helping me administer the test. And this,” she pointed at the other ginger who was with them, “Is Perry, one of LaFontaine’s friends. She’ll be helping as well. We needed someone your dog had never met before to test how he deals with a stranger.

“She’s also kind of incredibly nervous around dogs,” LaF added, “Especially large dogs. So I really hope you prepared for this.”

Perry looked at Carmilla and gave a tightlipped smile, looked at the rather large dog next to her, and swallowed. “Well, the best thing we can do is get this over with.”

“That’s right,” Danny said, picking up her clipboard and pen. “Step one: accepting a friendly stranger. Perry, you’re up.”

Perry took a step forward, wiggling her fingers. “Um...hi. Nice...animal.”

“His name is Devil,” Carmilla said, unclipping his leash, “Showtime, Dev.”

Devil walked up to Perry, rubbing against her like a cat. Perry stumbled a little (Devil was most definitely not cat sized), but managed to keep her balance.

“Oh _dear,”_ Perry’s face turned a little green, “He’s...well he’s a friendly dog.”

Danny nodded. “Well, Perry looks terrified, but I don’t think that’s really his fault, so he passes. Perry, mind seeing if he’ll sit and let you pet him?”

“Sit!” Perry squeaked. Danny tilted his head and sat down. Perry bit her lip, reaching a hand out and patting him on the head a few times. “G-good dog. Very good. Actually, he _is_ kind of cute. Why would you name him Devil?”

“You should have seen him when I first got him.”

“Pass,” Danny said, marking it off on her clipboard.

The third test was easy--Carmilla had to brush Devil and clip his toenails. He never had a problem with that. Devil actually liked being groomed, in fact. It didn’t surprise Carmilla; he was pretty full of himself.

(She wasn’t even embarrassed about treating him like a person anymore.)

“Next is walking on a loose lead. Go ahead.”

“Hey, Devil, come.” Carmilla said. Devil trotted over. “You can cross off ‘comes when called’, too,” Carmilla said, grinning. Danny raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t be so cocky, most of the time this is when they fail. Want to kill two birds with one stone and see if he can walk in a crowd too? Walk him in between us, we’ll see how he does.”

Okay, so she wasn’t surprised that Danny didn’t like her that much, but it seemed a little petty to talk to her like she was _hoping_ Devil would fail.

“Let’s show them, Devil.” She clipped the leash on him, and told him, “Heel.” Devil did it. He eyed the three gingers anxiously, like he really, really wanted to go say hi...but he didn’t do it.

Carmilla had Laura to thank for that.

“See? There you go. What else.”

“Walk out of the room and we’ll see how he deals with separation.”

Carmilla walked into the kitchen and leaned against the door until they called her back.

_“And,_ check.” LaFontaine looked at Perry. “Hey, Perr, you go leave if you want.”

“Thank you. No offense to your dog, Carmilla, but large animals tend to make me nervous…”

“It’s okay.”  Carmilla said with a shrug, saluting Perry with two fingers as she walked away. “Let’s get the rest of this over with.”

She showed Danny and LaF that Devil could sit, stay, lie down on command. When she finished, Danny and LaF looked at each other, nodding.

“Okay, Carmilla, you’re done.” Danny said.

“But, what about--”

“We already know Devil got along fine with Thor,” Danny said, “So you hit all the stuff. Devil is, officially, a canine good citizen.” Danny reached into her pocket, pulling out a dog tag. “LaFontaine will send you his certificate in the mail.”

The tag said ‘Devil: CGC’. Carmilla grabbed it, turning it around in her hands.

“Oh my God, we did it.” She looked at Devil. “Devil, you son of a--”

She stopped, looking at LaFontaine and Danny, and she cleared her throat.

“...Thank you for helping me with the test, LaFontaine and Danny. I’m looking forward to getting my certificate. If you don’t mind, we’re going to go.”

She shook Danny’s hand. “Anytime, Carmilla.”

She shook LaFontaine’s. “Congrats. I just made twenty dollars.”

Danny surreptitiously reached into her pocket, for her wallet if Carmilla had to guess. She didn’t even care. She grabbed Devil’s leash and walked out.

When she was sure LaF and Danny couldn’t see or hear, she clapped her hands.

“Devil, you son of a bitch, you actually did it. Barely a couple of months ago you were still the literal incarnation of fucking _Cerberus,_ now you managed to bullshit your way into being a canine good citizen!”

She knelt and attached the tag to his collar. “You earned it, and we’re getting that certificate _framed.”_

Carmilla laughed, running a hand through her hair. She fucking did it. There was nothing more satisfying than accomplishing the impossible. She officially made herself a dog person, and now she had a date with Ell. What could be better--

“Hey, Carmilla.”

She looked in the direction of the voice and saw Laura, walking across the way in old, tattered jeans and a t-shirt, lugging a pooper scooper with her.

“Oh. Laura. Hey…”

“How did it go?” Laura asked. She looked tired. And like she was trying not to be a jerk.

“He’s a citizen, now,” Carmilla said, grinning and scratching Devil behind the ears. Laura smiled at Devil softly.

“That’s really good. I’m glad all our hard work paid off.”

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment.

“So...date with Ell, right?”

“Yeah. I’m going to drop Devil off and then head over.”

Laura frowned. “Hey, before you go, can I ask for a favor?”

“Sure, what?”

“Can I watch Devil while you’re out?”

Carmilla crossed her arms. “You’re not going to rob me, are you?” Laura’s eyes widened.

  “N-no! I’ve grown pretty fond of him in the past couple of months and...you know...I’d feel bad knowing he’s alone all night.” She rubbed the back of her neck. It was kind of cute, how she was taking it seriously.

Carmilla smiled. She would give Laura credit; Devil was just as much Laura’s as she was hers. And, from how Devil was brushing against her, he definitely liked the idea. Why not?

“Sure, Laura. Take him now if you want? Here’s the keys to my apartment. Go crazy.”

Laura grinned, playing with Devil, taking the leash and keys from Carmilla. “Um...have a good date.”

“Thanks.” Carmilla started to walk away; but then she turned back. “Laura?”

“Yes?”

She walked up to her. “Creampuff, if it wasn’t for you I would have had no idea what the fuck I was doing with him. So...honestly, this was _you_. So, thanks. I’m glad I got to hang out with you the past few months and…” Carmilla gave Laura a quick hug, “Have fun with him.”

Carmilla finally walked away. Maybe it wasn’t fair to give Laura a hug when she obviously had a crush on her and she was going on a date--but, to be honest, she kind of wanted to anyway.

* * *

 

“Okay, okay,” Ell said, laughing, “You tried to do _what?”_

Carmilla had her eating from the palm of her hand. Dogs were lady magnets for normal women, and Ell was a woman who volunteered at an animal shelter. This was the easiest date Carmilla had ever gone on.

“Yeah. I thought it’d be fun to skateboard with him. Didn’t go well. Stupid, right?”

“Kind of, yeah.” Carmilla said, leaning back in her chair and biting her knuckle. They were at Ell’s apartment. She had cooked dinner for them. It was pretty obvious where the night was heading, and Carmilla took a moment to admire her newest accomplishment.

_I wonder if Dev is giving Laura a hard time right now...NO. Hot girl, Carmilla. Stop thinking about Laura and Devil and close the deal._

“So…” Carmilla leaned in, lacing her fingers together. “Having a good time?” Ell copied it.

“Definitely.”

“Made you forget about Elsie?”

“Who is Elsie?” Ell asked, smiling. Carmilla grinned and started to lean in--

_Riiiiiiiiing! Riiiiiiing! Riiiiiing!_

“Jesus fucking Christ--hold that thought, cutie. In fact, do not move a muscle.” Carmilla fumbled in her pocket as Ell tried to stay exactly how she was, lips slightly pursed.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Carm.”

“Laura? Listen, not to be rude, but can you hang up _right now?”_

“Carmilla, this is kind of an emergency. I think…” There was a pause, “...Something seems wrong with Devil.”

Carmilla sucked in a nervous breath. “What’s wrong with him? Maybe he just misses me.”

“He’s--I mean, he was fine when we went to your apartment. Then he ate, and I let him drink. I watched some TV--”

“Get to the important part, Cupcake?”

“He started pacing. Like, in the room, out of the room, in the room, out of the room. And then randomly just lying down. And he was drooling a lot.”

“Okay, that sounds a little weird, but it doesn’t really sound like--”

“Have I mentioned he’s been vomiting, except nothing is coming up?”

Carmilla’s blood turned cold. “...I will be there as soon as I can.”

She turned the phone off. “Ell, I have to go. My dog is sick.”

“How bad is he?”

“No clue.”

“I can come with--”

“No, you don’t have to. It’s not a huge deal and it’s not like it’ll be romantic taking care of a dry-heaving Wolfhound, anyway. Have a good night, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay--” Ell stood up with Carmilla, leaning in, only getting a quick peck on the cheek before Carmilla was out the door.

She was jogging to her apartment, now. It took her about fifteen minutes, and she was in the elevator when she got the second phone call.

“Laura, how is he?”

“Um...how close are you?”

“In the elevator?”

“Okay, so don’t freak out. But Devil kind of...collapsed?”

“FUCKING _COLLAPSED?”_

“Oh, wow, I heard actually heard you...but yeah, he started breathing really weirdly, and he just kind of keeled over.”

Carmilla could tell Laura was trying really hard to be the calm one, which she appreciated. The elevator stopped; the slow opening of the doors was torture. Once they did open she bolted to her door, banging on it when she realized Laura still had it locked.

“Carmilla!” Laura opened the door, “I have Danny on the phone.”

“Put it on speaker.”

“Carmilla,” Danny said, “Okay, describe his symptoms for me?”

Carmilla repeated what Laura had said.

“...Okay, I think I have an idea of what it is. But can you do me a favor and look at his gums?”

“Uh...yeah.”

He was lying in the middle of the kitchen floor, on his side, nostrils flaring as he breathed in short gasps. Carmilla kneeled.

“Hey, Dev. Let me take a look, okay?” She lifted his lip gently. Laura knelt beside her with the phone.

“Are his gums pale?”

“Yeah, they look a little pale.”

“And his stomach, does it look swollen?”

“I think so.”

“Carmilla, I think Devil has bloat.”

_Bloat._ Carmilla didn’t know what that was.

_“Bloat?”_ Laura said, sounding panicky, “Danny, what do we do?”

“What you’re going to do,” Danny said, “Is get Devil down to my office at the shelter _immediately.”_

Laura thanked her, hanging up. “Oh my God Carmilla, what are we going to do? Neither of us have a car, and Devil is in no condition to move--”

“I will tell you what we’ll do,” Carmilla said, “We are going to pick him up and haul ass to Happy Tails.”

Laura’s face darkened with grim determination. “We are going to carry an Irish Wolfhound that is largely dead weight for fifteen minutes?”

“No. _Less._ We are running.”

“Let’s go then!”

Carmilla placed her hands under his front, Laura taking his back legs. Devil whined.

“Sorry, buddy, but we’re kind of saving your life.”

The door was never closed; they carried him together, through the door, down the stairs. Carmilla almost tripped, and she _did_ bang her head against the wall. She didn’t care.

“OUT OF OUR WAY!” She shouted, to anyone she could see in the lobby.

“Sorry!” Laura called after them. All things considering, they made a pretty good team. Devil kept whining with pain the entire way.

“Devil, it’s okay. You’re going to be fine, I promise. Laura and I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”

“I see the shelter!” Laura said, panting heavily. Despite both their figures, they both had the cardio of old women. They finally staggered in, LaFontaine already there with a stretcher.

“Hey, guys, we can’t waste time! Put him on the stretcher!”

Carmilla and Laura did. As LaFontaine wheeled him away, they looked at each other, and both with serious, grim faces, gave each other a high five before they sat down to wait.

* * *

 

According to google on Carmilla’s iPhone, bloat was a condition where the stomach filled with gas, making the stomach expand and putting pressure on the other organs. It caused trouble breathing, lack of blood flow to the heart and lungs, and possibly a tear in the lining of the stomach.

It was also fatal in twenty-five to forty percent of dogs.

Laura didn’t say anything. She only put a comforting hand on Carmilla’s back, smiling at her whenever she dared to look up. But mostly she stared at the floor. Stared at the floor and worried.

She had no idea how long it took before the door finally opened and LaFontaine walked back out.

“LaF!” Laura said, “How was Devil?”

“Danny is still taking care of him, but she asked me to walk out and explain the situation to Carmilla.”

Carmilla stood up. “I’m here, go ahead.”

“Okay, first of all, we were right; it was bloat. What bloat is--”

“I _know_ what it is, move on,” Carmilla snapped. At any other time LaF might have been mad, but they must have felt bad, because they only sighed, their hands in the pockets of their lab coat.

“At the moment, Devil is stable. You got him here just in time. His case was especially serious--his stomach flipped. Normally we would stick a tube down the dog’s stomach to relieve the pressure, but his small intestine was twisted, so Danny had to apply a needle right into his stomach.”

“So, is he okay?” Carmilla asked.

“We can’t be sure. He’s alright at the moment, but there’s a chance it could happen again, so we need to keep him in the kennel for overnight observation. It’s touch and go. You should go home, and we’ll call you tomorrow.”

Carmilla walked away from them, hands behind her head.

“Thank you, LaFontaine,” Laura said hastily, following her outside.

“Carmilla, he’s young, I’m sure he’ll be--” Laura started.

“This is _my_ fucking fault,” Carmilla groaned, taking a deep breath and shaking her head.

“What? Carmilla, you weren’t even home--” Laura put a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. She threw it away.

“I looked it up on my phone. You know who’s susceptible to bloat? Dogs with deep chests. Especially large breeds. St. Bernards, Great Danes--Irish Wolfhounds. And it’s caused by eating too fast, and too much.”

“So?”

“I should have listened to you! If I hadn’t let him stick his head in a Beneful

bag and inhale kibble whenever he wanted, he wouldn’t have gotten sick. God--I actually thought I might be a _good_ owner when we took that test. Now it’s two hours later and I might have _killed_ him!”

She was startled by Laura giving her a hug. At first she wanted to throw her off again until she realized she really, _really_ needed it.

“Look, was that a good idea? No. But you didn’t want Devil to get bloat. I would hardly call what you did criminal neglect. _I’m_ the one who fed him tonight. And he’s okay now, right?”

“I--yeah. I guess. Hopefully. I should probably to home.”

“You mean _we.”_ Laura let go. “You didn’t think I’d let you go home and be worried sick by yourself, did you?”

“I really don’t need--”

“Carmilla, I’m coming home with you and you can’t do anything about it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Wow. You sound like a stalker right now.”

“Are you going to tell me no?”

She really didn’t have the energy.

* * *

 

“...So, that’s why David Tennant is my favorite Doctor in the series,” Laura said, “In a nutshell.”

They were sitting on the floor of Carmilla’s living room, with a pizza Laura had ordered from one of those twenty-four hour places. Anything that could distract her from Devil was welcome. Even Laura’s annoying rambling.

Although, and Carmilla didn’t know _when,_ but it had become more comforting than annoying…

“So,” Laura took a sip of her coca-cola, “How did your date with Ell go?”

“Was going great,” Carmilla said, “Until you called. I had to get a rain check.”

“I’m sorry,” Laura said, not sounding very sorry.

Carmilla grabbed a slice of pizza. “Are you kidding?” Carmilla took a bite. “You saved Dev’s life. If you hadn’t asked to watch him he would have been alone. I don’t know what I would have done if I had come home and...you know.”

Laura smiled. “Still want to say you’re not a dog person?”

Carmilla shrugged. “I’m still not. But I can make an exception. He’s not a dog, he’s _my_ dog.”

Laura nodded. “You seem like the type of person who does that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, I am. For instance,” Carmilla leaned in to jokingly ruffle Laura’s hair. “You’re not _an_ annoying, nerdy cupcake, you’re _my_ annoying, nerdy cupcake.”

Laura squinted until Carmilla pulled back. “Yeah. And you’re not _a_ jerky, raging bad person with a snarky attitude, you’re _my_ jerky, raging bad person with a snarky attitude.”

“You know it, cupcake.” Carmilla answered, grinning with a mouth covered in hot wing sauce that made Laura wrinkle her nose and Carmilla reach for a napkin.

“Hey, I have a game,” Laura continued, “I’ll say a word, and you’ll say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

“Okay. Hit me.”

“Water.”

“Beach.”

“Hot.”

“Me.”

“Haha,” Laura said, rolling her eyes.

“Joke.” Carmilla said.

_“Carmilla.”_

“Sexy,” Carmilla replied, shrugging.

“Okay, I’m done with this game.” Laura answered, throwing her hands in the air.

“No, no! One more. I’m having fun. Weren’t you here to take my mind off Devil?”

Laura pursed her lips slightly, then sighed. “Fine. One more.”

“Hit me.”

She smirked, pointing to herself. “Laura?”

Maybe it was that Carmilla was feeling a little more vulnerable tonight, and it was late, and she was full. Whatever the reason, she said something that in any other circumstance would have never been said:

“Angel.” Her eyes widened, surprised at herself, and Laura leaned back slightly.

“Wait, what, really? Why…?”

“Um...well...look at everything you’ve done. First you helped me with Devil, when you didn’t even like me at all, and you took flak from your dad when I decided to be an idiot,” Carmilla couldn’t stop talking now if she tried, “And for months you’ve been coming over to my apartment to help me train Devil for the CGC test--and, like I said, if you hadn’t offered to watch him he would have probably died by the time I got home. You sprinted to the shelter with me holding the back end of a whining Irish Wolfhound. And _then,_ as if that wasn’t enough...it is now six in the morning. You have been talking to me with your stupid rants about Doctor Who and eating pizza with me all night just to keep me from being worried.”

Carmilla couldn’t believe she was actually admitting all of this. She swallowed. _“That,_ creampuff, is why I said angel.”

“Holy hufflepuff,” Laura breathed, “Carmilla, I--”

Carmilla’s landline rang. She scrambled to her feet, running to the kitchen to grab it. “Hello?”

“Carmilla, this is Dr. Lawrence.”

“Danny! Hey--”

At mention of the name, Laura got to her feet too and stood next to Carmilla.

 “--How is Devil?” Carmilla’s blood was frozen.

“I am happy to say, Devil seems to be doing fine. I can confidently say he’s out of the danger zone. You can take him home today, if you want to, but you’ll need to take some steps to keep this from happening again--”

A wave of relief crashed over her. Carmilla could vaguely hear Danny talking about portion control, special bowls and risk factors, but Carmilla didn’t care. She could google all of that on the way to Happy Tails to pick Devil up.

“Uh-huh. Definitely. I will. Thank you. See you later.” Carmilla finally hung up the phone and turned to face Laura.

“Carmilla, what did Danny say? Is Devil--”

Carmilla was happy. Deliriously happy. So happy she could kiss someone.

So was what she did next any surprise?

“...C-Carm--”

“Devil is fine,” Carmilla breathed, holding her close, “He’s fine and it’s because of you, and _God_ I could kiss you--well, I already did,” she kissed Laura again, “But I could keep kissing you.”

Laura definitely looked in favor of the idea. She held Carmilla like her knees were made of jelly and she would fall otherwise.

“Do you want to talk about it on our way to the shelter?”

“Oh, _definitely._ One second.” Carmilla turned back to the phone.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think? Telling Ell not to wait up.”

Laura couldn’t help herself; she hugged Carmilla from behind, grinning from ear to ear.

* * *

 

“I still cannot believe we’re doing this.”

“Why not? You only turn six months old once, Carmilla! And since Devil is only going to live seven to ten years, this is an especially big deal for him.”

Since his near death experience, Devil had made a full recovery. No one would have guessed that he had needed emergency surgery just a few weeks ago. He’d grown even bigger, his fur darkening to borderline black. Very fitting for his namesake and Carmilla’s sensibilities.

Laura, of course, had insisted on doing something to celebrate him turning six months old.

“But, really? Ice cream and a candle? He doesn’t even understand the words to happy birthday, babe.”

“I don’t care. He is my baby and I want to,” Laura answered, pouting. Carmilla sighed. “Carm, think of it this way. One month anniversary?”

Yes, because she wanted to celebrate her anniversaries with a cup of Frosty Paws peanut butter and fucking _cheese_ flavored doggie ice cream. “...Fine. Just light the candle.”

“Alright! One, two, one two three…” Laura lit the candle. _“Happy six months to you, happy six months to you_ \--come on, Carmilla, sing!”

_“Happy six months to Devil_...I-can’t-believe-I’m-fucking-doing-this... _happy six months to you.”_

“You are no fun,” Laura said, pouting. Carmilla smirked and snaked an arm around Laura’s waist.

“You sure you’re not forgetting anything, Laura?” Carmilla said teasingly. Laura blushed and looked away.

“Oh, _no._ None of your seduction eyes on me.” Laura blew out the candle in

Devil’s cup of Frosty Paws, and placed it on the kitchen floor. Devil started licking at the ice cream hungrily.

“And I’m the one who’s no fun?” She kissed Laura on the temple, and the two of them smiled softly as Devil chased the cup around the floor--the force from his tongue was making it skid across the ground.

“Wow, he is cute,” Laura said.

“A little.”

Laura looked at Carmilla, playing with the zipper on her leather jacket. “You know, I think we’re moving kind of fast.”

“Fast?” Carmilla frowned. “What makes you say that?”

“We’ve been dating for a month, and we’re already raising a child together.” Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“Hey, you knew that going into this.”

“True. And, let’s face it, we were co-parenting from the beginning.”

Carmilla hummed in agreement. They both sat down at the kitchen table, watching him, holding hands.

“You know, he takes after you,” Carmilla said. Laura raised an eyebrow.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, definitely. He has your...um...eyes.”

“Devil’s eyes are _green!”_

“It’s the _essence.”_

“He definitely takes after you.”

Carmilla huffed. “How?”

“He’s dark?”

Carmilla...really could not argue with that logic. In fact, impulsively, she told Devil to sit.

“What are you doing?” Laura asked, laughing, as Carmilla took off her jacket.

“Laura, take my phone,” Carmilla answered, handing it to Laura, “And take a picture.”

She wrapped the jacket around Devil’s body, giving a thumbs up.

“Wait, Carm, I have an idea!” She reached into her purse, and threw Carmilla a pair of sunglasses.

“Once again, Laura, you show why I have great taste in women.” Carmilla looked at Devil, placing the sunglasses on his snout. He pawed at them a few times before Carmilla told him: “Stay until we take the picture, Dev.”

Laura was laughing so much she almost couldn’t take the picture, but she managed.

“What are you doing, babe?”

“Posting it to instagram.” Laura replied, staring intently at the phone as she typed out her message.  

Carmilla got up, grabbing the jacket from Devil, who apparently loved the taste of leather. “No, that was for you to laugh at while you’re at class--”

“Done!”

_“Give me that.”_ Carmilla grabbed it from Laura. She read the caption.

_One month with this sexy beast. #WhichOneDoIMean_

“I hate you.” Carmilla said.

“Please, you can’t get enough of me.” Laura answered, flashing a cheesy smile and wiggling her eyebrows.

Carmilla thought kissing her would be a better answer than saying yes.

That is, until Devil jumped on her back.

“SERIOUSLY!”

“Don’t yell at him on his half birthday, Carmilla,” Laura said, bending down to hug him. “You’re not upset that Carm yelled at you, right, Devy?”

As Carmilla stared at Laura playing with their dog, she realized: _Fuck, we really are pretty much married and raising a child, aren’t we?_

She thought it’d make her feel strange, but instead, she sighed in content.


End file.
